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I Love You, I Kill You

by Melon Boat

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1.
I Love All Teddy Bears 00:36
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2.
Hang Ten Hamburg 02:02
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3.
Tears Of The Wingless Swan 01:06
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4.
Apparently Defication Has Different Cultural Significance Than In Our Mother Country 00:20
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5.
Boyscout Rape Party 01:24
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6.
We Are All Pencil Shavings In The Winds Of Despair 02:18
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7.
I Am The Epitome Of All Your Post-Cold War Fears 02:17
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8.
I Want To Tie You To The Crucifix That I Keep Under My Bed Because You Are So Beautiful 01:29
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9.
Happy Birthday 00:35
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10.
Struggling Against The Iconic Images That Your Society Has Placed Upon Our Weary Brows 01:09
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11.
The Happiness Inside You Disgusts Me Because I Despise How You Have Made Turtlenecks Fashionable 01:18
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12.
If I Only Had One Hour To Live, I Would Spend It Teaching You How Wrong Your Life Has Been 00:52
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13.
I Am The Darkest Of Moss That Grows Beneath The Berlin Wall 00:49
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14.
The Darkest Of Hellfires Is The Lamp I Use To Write My Bleak & Trite Diary 02:06
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15.
You Americans, With Your Excessive American Ways. You Have Large Trees That You Can Drive Cars Through, Build Houses and Little Elves Make Cookies In It and It Disgusts Me 02:00
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16.
I Hang Ornaments Upon My Vest As If They Were All The Scabbed Over Emotional Scars You Have Branded Me With 01:25
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17.
An Hour Of Time With You I Liken To A Day At The Zoo In The Lion Pit When I Am Covered With Grape Jelly 00:44
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18.
An Hour Of Time With You I LIken To A Day At The Zoo When I Am In The Lion Pit Covered With Grape Jelly (reprise) 00:33
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19.
Dolphins Can Accidentally Be Caught In Tuna Nets. However, I Cannot Make You Catch The Terminal Virus That I Have Designed For You 01:44
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20.
When We Were Younger, Our Parents Had Little Boxes Of Hope and Love They Sold For Stock In The McDonalds and Disney Corporations 01:22
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21.
Your Notebooks Are Stained With Your Tears Wept Because Of Your Lost Grade School Love 01:17
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22.
Your American Culture Permeates Germany In The Most Inappropriate Ways 01:46
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23.
Tropical Beaches And A Meaningful Existence Cannot Be Purchased With Frequent Flyer Miles And A Low Interest Credit Card 00:43
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24.
I Wish My Country Had The Highest Obesity Rate So That I Could Enjoy All The Sugary Delights. It Is My Closet Pleasure 02:55
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25.
All He Had Was His Land. All He Had Was His Hat. He Had All. In All He Had Nothing 01:47
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26.
If You Are Taking Steps And The Earth Is Round, You Are Invariably Going Nowhere Because The Earth Is Round 00:43
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27.
All Of The Energy You Wasted Fulfilling Your Carnal Desires Would Have Been Put To Better Use Cleaning Your Closet Of Your Gross Materialistic Skeletons 00:49
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28.
The Void Between Our Empty Souls Is Like Organic Euthanasia 01:40
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29.
Try Not To Bleed 01:59
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30.
She Love Me. She Loves Me Not. This Weed Does Not Have The Necessary Pedals For Me To Tug, So That I might Determine The Fate Of My Adoration 02:57
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31.
They Say That Patience Is A Virtue But What About Other Virtues Like Abivolence, Apathy, Lethogy and Extremely Low Expectations. At Least Those Keep You From becoming A Corporate Fat Cat 01:35
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32.
You Were Not Patient When The Automobile Broke Down And You Hastily Removed The Radiation Cap Contraption And Now You Have No Facial Hair And All The People At The Local Automobile Shop Think That You Look Like The Bald Guy From The Rosey Alcoholic... 02:05
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33.
You Have Your Poor Diet And Lack Of Self Restraint To Thank For Your Recent Appearance Doing The Truffle Shuffle On The Jumbo Tron At The Local Sporting Event 01:03
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34.
You Have Found That Your Attempted Pregrancy Is A Dish Best Served Cold After The Holes You Had Punctured Into The Profalactic Balloons Did Not Provide An Adequate Gateway For The Release Of The Little White Tadpoles Of Love Onto The Vaginal Superhighway 02:13
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35.
If You Read 'Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' And You Now Know How To Repair The Motorbike Then You Were Probably Reading The Book Upside Down You Idiot 01:17
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36.
This One Is For The Women, It's Called, 'I Hope You Die Before He Slides His Penis In You Like A Metal Rod Slamming Into The Dry Meatloaf And Whispering, 'I Can't Wait Until We Start A Family Again' 01:21
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37.
'Welcome To The Jungle', Your Hiring Manager Said As You Started Your First Day As Assistant Bean Counter at The Jelly Belly Factory. It Would Be 6 Days Until You Are Fired For Masturbating Into The Popcorn-Flavored Jellybeans 02:34
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38.
Perhaps If We Were American Idol Contestants We Could Lace Our Sugar-Coated Pop Songs With Our Values And Idiologies. Maybe Then We Will Be Able To Penetrate That Thick Lining Of That Meat Head That You Keep On Your Shoulders 02:51
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39.
Free Will Or Not You And Your Future Descendents Are Destined To Toil Away Under The Tutelage Of The Iron-Fisted Sandy J Bellowfish At The Local Kentucky Chicken Basket Restaurant 00:55
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40.
You Were At Your American Department Of Auto Vehicles And Because Of Your Cultural Disposition To Sit Too Close To Your Lee Forest Audion Tube Device You Are Literally And Metophorically Blind And Do You Not Feel Shame At Your Inability To Read The Last L 01:09
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41.
In The Middle Of The Night I Often Wish That We, The Human Race, Could Return To A Simpler Life As The Single Cell-Replicating Molecules In The Pre-Biotic Soup We Originated From 00:41
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42.
'This Is The Final Straw' You Said As You Stormed Out Of Your House After Your Wife Threw Out All Three Of Your Keanu Matrix Posters 01:06
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43.
Do You Remember The Time When Country Music Was About Standing Beside Your Male Figure And Crying By Your Cheap Domestic Watered-Down Swill And Not Patriotic Vomit 01:27
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44.
In Arizona Dogs and People Have Two Things In Common. They Eat Until They Get Diabetes And They Are Euthenized If Found On The Streets Without Proper ID 02:12
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45.
When The Blackjack Poker Man Told You, 'This Is The Hand You've Been Dealt' You Did Not Know If He Was Speaking Figuratively Or If He Was Referring To The Fact That You Lost All Of Your Limbs In A Bizarre Boating Accident 02:09
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46.
Dieter And I Are Very Confused About The Television Shows With The Robots Who Connect To The Other Robots To Form The Supreme Robot. There Is The Voltron, The Transformers And The Power Rangers. Is It Coincidence That So Many Shows Of This Variety Exist? 02:32
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47.
As You Stand Over Your Fallen Family You Can't Help But Wonder What Might Have Been Had You Not Always Selected Your Cousin Last In Gym Class 01:14
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48.
You Bet Your Bottom Dollar On The Secretariat Horse Winning This Years Kentucky Derby. The Off Track Betting Man Held No Regard For Your Alzheimers And Glady Took Your Money Away 01:02
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49.
The Latenight Sarah McLachlan Abandoned Neglected Pet Commercials Always Remind Us To Feed Our Tomagatchis 02:14
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50.
In Time We Have Found That The Fruit Of Our Labors Is Not Enough To Get Us Out Of This Damned Country. Not Even The Giant Pitted Fury Peach Can Float Us Back To Our Germany 02:48
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51.
The Old Colloquialism, 'Put Some Meat On Those Bones' Did Not Serve You Well Amorous Elderly Convention 04:42
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about

Recorded in the year 2004 by famed German minimalist rock outfit, Melon Boat. Tracks 31 to 51 are previously unreleased bonus tracks from the bands formative years

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released May 11, 2012

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Melon Boat De Kalb, Illinois

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